You need to understand that it is not your fault. It is simply not. Been there, done that. Blaming yourself or blaming the other person and dwelling on whose fault it really was is not going to get you any further in the healing process. The only way to move on is to grow and improve yourself until you are one badass chick who no one can tear down.
Let’s first understand why you were hurt.
You were in love with someone who you thought reciprocated the same love. You opened up your heart with arms full of trust and care. He knew how your deepest and darkest secrets founded the person you are today. Your passions and goals and all things dearest to your heart were shared with another human entity. You made him such a big part of your life, and you thought he did too.
You start to realize that although he says that he loves you back, his actions do not align. Letting someone know every aspect of you means that you trusted him with your feelings. You handed him a full glass of love and expected him to handle it with care and never drop it. Your expectations to be loved were not met.
You start to feel depressed, anxious, and worthless. You start to wonder how someone could not possibly love you back with the same magnitude that you gave. You start to doubt yourself and look for reasons as to what you’ve done to make this relationship not work. Then, it ends. And here you are wondering what the f*ck went wrong.
So, here we are. You feel devastated. Confused. Angry. Over-analytical. Probably a mix of all of those feelings at various times depending on the way your emotions decided to sway you. You could wake up depressed, feel angry at lunch, and confused before bedtime. You’re just riding an emotional roller coaster and you want to get off.
So, let’s create a guide to help you move on and reinvigorate that badass inside you.
Know that you have loved and given it your all and that’s the best you could have done. Your actions were not wasted. You have cared and you have given your love to someone else – if you hadn’t tried in the first place, you would have never known if that someone else was deserving of it. To not love is to not live. When it becomes time and you are ready to love again, you will find someone who will also give you his best.
Yes, the breakup will hurt a lot, but know that it is a blessing in disguise. Every heartbreak and every downfall in life will make you wiser and stronger. You will not only learn how to move on, but you will heal and learn from your experiences to become a better person and attract those like you. It is true that opposites attract, but it is also true that similarities attract. You will learn how to distinguish both attractions from each other and choose which to associate yourself with. You are the average of the five people you hang out with most. Your future significant other will be one of them.
It was not meant to be, and that is okay. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. You did not get that specific job because you weren’t ready at the time. Months later, you get one when you have further developed your skills. You now have an even better job than the previous offer. In this case, your relationship ended so you can take more time for yourself. You can use that time to spend with family, friends, or even a new business venture. Eventually, you may even find a better partner who will grow with you.
Focus on you and learn how to love yourself. Bathing in self-pity and hatred towards yourself and/or others will only block you from moving on and healing. Take yoga, meditate, exercise, write, or sing to relax the mind. A clear mind is a healthy one. Focus on positive aspects of your life instead of the pain. Believe it or not – just saying to yourself that you don’t want to focus on the pain will actually reinforce that it is still there. Instead, think of ways to better yourself and you will continue moving forward in a positive direction. Every day, ask yourself what you are doing to become a better person. Then, continue doing it.
Surround yourself with love and support. Reach out to friends and family who you know that care about you. Seek a good therapist for an unbiased viewpoint and helpful advice. You need to know that there is someone you can lean on when it gets tough.
You are strong, so continue to be so. Understand that you are resilient and know that pain is only given to those who can handle it. From this breakup, your confidence will eventually rise so high that you will become an even tougher woman than before. #badasschickforever.
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